If you're a frequent reader here (and if you are I say, "Thank you and even though we've never met I totally think you're awesome and I adore you") you've seen me mention the name David in previous posts. David and I have been friends for over 30 years. He is one of the few people who can make me laugh so hard that I nearly pass out. Which sounds bad but is actually a good thing. Have you ever laughed so long and so hard that your jaw hurts and you feel like you might have stopped breathing several times? David does that to me. We grew up in the same city but now live in different states. Texting helps us stay close. Today's post consists of random text conversations and memories that made me laugh.
I sent this text one day last Fall after my son and husband had spent a day at home together while I worked (my part in green):
I remembered this incident recently. When I was in college David didn't have a car so a few times he took a Greyhound bus to come visit me. This was an act of true devotion for several reasons. For one, the trip took like eight hours on the bus; by car it would have been about five. The clientele on the bus, to put it nicely, would not be considered "high class". One time when David was at the urinal at the Greyhound bus station in our city, a stranger came up to him while he peed and and said, "Give me a dollar". I'm not a man but I've been told that male bathroom etiquette requires that men not to talk to each other at the urinal. After David finished peeing he gave the man a dollar. For me, that would have been a deal killer and I would have been like, "I can never come visit you again because I had to give a weirdo in a public restroom a dollar so he wouldn't molest me." David is a better person than I am.
I sent this text to David yesterday while I was cooking:
That last line made me realize that "wino" has fallen out of favor in American English. I don't know why-- it's a great word. It conveys everything you need to know about a person in four letters. A person with a drinking problem who prefers wine. Let's all make a concerted effort to bring it back into everyday usage.
Below is a text I sent to David today. I wasn't sure if I should use it since it gives away a bit of information about a future post that I'm working on. I don't want to ruin that future post for you. I'm considerate that way.
When I got home from work this afternoon we had this conversation:
I hope you too have a friend like David. We all need one in this world. If you can mention the phrase "anal fissure" and that person don't even flinch, that is a friend for life. I told David that today's post would be an ode of love to him. I bet he didn't imagine that the words "anal fissure", "urinal", "Greyhound bus" and "wino" would all be included in his love letter. But coming from me, what else would he expect?
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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