My friend the IT Dude received this compliment:
Maybe it's my fault. I've been married 21 years and I no longer know how to read the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of attraction. Which reminds me that some day I'm going to write a post (or book) entitled, "Strange Men Have I Known". It will include such highlights as the Masturbating Guy from Kiev and Threesome Guy, the guy I briefly dated who thought it would be awesome to have a threesome with me and my mother (GAH! And eewwwwwwww... I know).
Also included will be a chapter about the delivery guy at work who thought we were having a relationship. Because I was friendly to him. I swear there was NO OTHER encouragement on my part. This happened probably twelve years ago when my company was located in a different building. We would get a weekly delivery that I needed to sign for. The only contact I had with this guy was to say "Hello" and "Thank You" and "Here's your sheet back" when I signed the delivery receipt. One day COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE he told me that he was going through a divorce and that his wife had taken their son to Indiana and he was afraid she was going to kill the boy (who I think was about 10 years old). I didn't know what to say other than that I was sorry. Then he asked me if I had seen the movie "Bad Santa" (yes I have and I think it's hilarious) because the boy in the movie reminded him of his son. (As a side note, I can never see that movie without thinking of this delivery guy and his poor son). I can't remember the delivery guy's name but let's call him Gary (because it's faster to type than Enrique or Maximilian). I made the mistake of telling Gary that I would be out of the office for two weeks because my husband and I were going on a ten-day cruise. He told me, "Take me instead". Normally that's a funny thing you can say to people when you find out that they're going someplace awesome. "Take me too!". Except with Gary he wasn't joking. He told me, "Take me and I'll pay for everything." He said something like I'd have more fun with him than with my husband (uh, sorry Gary, but NOPE!). He told me we should go on the cruise together probably three times before I even left on the damn trip. After that awkwardness I started being conveniently "out of my office" when Gary arrived. I avoided him as much as possible and you cannot believe the joy I felt when we switched vendors and I realized that Gary would no longer be our delivery guy. On the day of his last delivery he was angry and and short with me. Maybe he thought I had something to do with the changeover (I didn't). I was relieved that our "relationship" had come to and end. But I shit you not, a few months later my husband and I went to a local mall and right at the entrance was Gary with his truck. He saw my husband and I together and he GLARED at us as we walked past him. My husband was like, "What's that guy's problem?" and I quickly pulled him inside to safety and told him it was the weird guy who had taken a liking to me. Since then I've never seen Gary again (and hallelujah for that).
So the moral of this story is this... oh hell, there's no moral. People and computers are weird and creepy and unpredictable sometimes so you might as well get used to it. The end.