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If you are innapropriate, you will be my friend forever

9/22/2014

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As you may have noticed from previous posts, the things that I find funniest are usually inappropriate for polite society—things like sex, bodily functions, deviant behavior, etc.  Below is an email that I've saved since the year 2000. The response of my male friend always makes me laugh. I know it's wrong and I truly feel sorry for the woman mentioned in the email. I've probably karmically guaranteed the same thing happening to me when I’m old because I laughed.

> -----Original Message-----
> From:Gina
> Sent:  Thursday, February 17, 2000 2:26 PM


This is gross (and a little bit funny in a sick way).  My friend Marge had lunch with a former employee today.  The ex-employee's mom has had health problems for a while; next week she is going to have to have surgery because-- HER INTESTINES ARE HANGING OUT OF HER VAGINA! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  How gross is that?  And it's got to be pretty uncomfortable I would think.

My male friend’s reply fifteen minutes later:

That is soooooooo nasty. It makes me clench my sphincter and clamp my buttocks shut! How in God's name did that happen? UGH! Do I even want to know!? Health problem.....that is a hellish health nightmare! Sounds like she should have had more frequent medical checkups. I mean you think a person would get some kind of indication that things weren't quite "right" during sex or defecation or something..................... defecation....now there's a word that makes me hungry for lunch............Oh I think I'll need to take a break now....................

I met this male friend when I briefly worked for a different company. I knew we would be friends when we had the following conversation during lunch. We were sharing a table; this may have been the first time we ate together. In any case I barely knew him. The TV was on and a commercial for “Just for Men” hair color came on. I mused out loud, “What would happen if a woman used ‘Just for Men’?”  My friend looked at me and said in a completely serious voice, “Well you know what would happen don’t you?” I said no. I thought he was going to say something like, “It causes fetal birth defects.” What he actually said was, “Why Gina, you would grow a penis.”  HIs response was so unexpected; I collapsed into hysterics. That’s when I knew I would be friends with this person. If I barely know you and you can say something this inappropriate to me at the company lunch table, we are going to be friends.
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    Gina

    I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny. 
    I delight in the absurdity of life. 

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    Me as a middle-aged woman (current photo).
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