From the title of this post, you may think I use the bathroom at party and don't flush. Or I wipe my wet hands on the decorative bathroom towels that are never meant to used. Or I drink too much and act obnoxiously around the other party guests. Quite the opposite is true. We were invited to a Christmas party last night at a friend's house. My husband had to work so it was just my son and me. I sent this text:
My poor son-- every time he would come upstairs from the basement (where the kids were playing) to get something off the buffet table, I would grab him and say, "Hey, don't you want to sit with me for a little while?" He would humor me for a moment and then abandon me again. Everyone at the party seemed incredibly nice but I just didn't have it in me to walk around and introduce myself to strangers and make small talk. Thank God for smartphones. I was able to sit and interact with my phone like I was all busy; instead I was texting people and reading my Twitter feed. I'm sure I looked like an antisocial snob. The truth is this-- I felt awkward and shy. If I had been in a room full of friends then I would have been the life of the party. Damn you social anxiety!
Before you read this next text I should mention that I'm a registered Independent. I'm an equal opportunity hater in regard to politicians. One of the senators from our state is a very polarizing figure. I don't agree with his politics. It just so happens that this senator lives four houses down from my friend's house:
If anyone was going to have a secret lair, I bet it would be this guy. It's funny that my seven-year old has come to this same conclusion on his own.
It's just a coincidence I'm now transitioning the topic from politics to toilets (or IS it?). I sent this text a few days ago:
The toilet seat package arrived along with other Christmas packages and honestly it was the one I was most excited to receive. This says much about me I'm afraid. What exactly, I don't know. I just realized that the summary of the post is this: I'm a shitty party guest who hates politicians and likes new toilet seats. Hopefully I have other redeeming characteristics.
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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(Note--I only joined FB in January 2016. Come be my friend, if you want, and like my page before I get fed up with the whole thing and delete my FB account. Kidding. Maybe.)