Today when I logged onto my Facebook account I saw this message:
Oh my gawd Facebook, quit pressuring me! Apparently you didn't see this tweet:
That's right. I didn't get sick AT ALL over the winter; instead I got sick on LITERALLY the first day of Spring Break for my kid, proving yet again that Murphy's Law is a real and actual law (how I hate that little Irish bastard). When I woke up the following day, I felt like this:
My eyes hurt, my face hurt, I had the chills and a cough that made me sound like a three-pack-a-day smoker. If I had taken a selfie of myself, I'm pretty sure I would have been a mirror image of Stimpy above. (Kidding. I have MUCH less facial stubble). I had my husband take me to a nearby Urgent Care Center as soon as it opened. Thankfully the flu test came back negative but since I had an obvious sinus infection brewing, I was given an antibiotic. As we all know, antibiotics don't help if what you've got is viral in nature. Annnnnnd......apparently what I've got is a virus. My sinus infection cleared up quickly but all the other symptoms have lingered ALL. EFFIN. WEEK. Did I mention that this past week was Spring Break for my son? We were supposed to have Super-Fun-Week together. Instead we had, "Here Play With the iPad for Several Hours While Mommy Sleeps" week. But you know what? For my kid this actually WAS a pretty good week. He doesn't usually get hours of unlimited time to play video games. I offered to send him to a day camp for the day but he was happier to just chill at home with me. Of course, since I wasn't out and about in the world, I don't have anything particularly funny to write about. Well wait, I take that back. There were a couple of funny things that happened:
One night The Russian thought this would make for a cute a decoration in our kid's room. Instead our son was freaked out by, in his words, "dead Elmo". This falls under the category of "parenting fail".
I found this real estate advertisement in our mailbox one day last week:
Uh, thanks but no thanks, I have a strict rule of not eating food that just mysteriously shows up in my mailbox. Especially not Peeps for God's sake. PEEPS THAT WERE TAKEN OUT OF THEIR PACKAGE AND TORN APART BY GERM-LADEN HANDS! This was DAYS after Easter, I might add, so it was obviously discount candy. "Only the second-best for you, potential client!". This real estate agent has a weird food-themed ad campaign going on. I wrote about this lady last October:
I'm waiting for the day she gets her own van and drives around the neighborhood handing out free candy.
I guess I should just be glad she wasn't handing out leftover deviled eggs from Easter dinner. Although "Mailbox Deviled Eggs" would have been an awesome title for this post. Just sayin'...
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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(Note--I only joined FB in January 2016. Come be my friend, if you want, and like my page before I get fed up with the whole thing and delete my FB account. Kidding. Maybe.)