This week has been non-stop activity at work as today we had one of our big "Very Important Meetings" (not actual name) that we have quarterly. These are the meetings that require me to be polite and act professional. The stress of all that "acting" wears me out. I've written here about my terrible compulsion to stand up and yell "F*ck you all motherf*ckers" during one of these meetings. I don't know why. It's all over now and I'm exhausted so keep your expectations low on the humor quality of this post. After I got home from work and it was time to meet my son at the bus stop, I nearly backed out the the garage without opening the garage door first. So yeah, I've reached that level of tiredness. Of course, it could also just be my goober tendencies. Hard to say.
Last night we had a fancy dinner as part of this meeting. Name tags were used for the guests at the dinner:
I mentioned recently that "Tootie McTootypants" is one of my nicknames for my boss. I just like the pure silliness of how it sounds. I have to say that quite a few people I texted didn't get the Turd Ferguson reference. I was like, "Whaaaaaaaaat? It's best parody ever of the game show Jeopardy!". It was a skit on Saturday Night Live. If you Google it you can find a bunch of old clips to peruse.
The next response to my Lady Sparketits name tag came from a relative. A relative who is no longer included in my will I should add.
I told my boss I would wear the Lady Sparkletits name tag to the dinner if he'd give me a $1,000 but for some odd reason he declined. Also, I just realized that my price tag for public humiliation is only $1,000. It's probably such a low number because I do it for free all the time.
New topic-- on Tuesday, St. Patrick's Day, I had this Lync conversation with my friend the IT Dude:
I actually don't match my clothes to my bodily fluids. I know I have some weird, quircky aspects to my personality but I don't really do that. Just so you know.
My text exchange with the IT dude continued and his unexpected question made me laugh out loud:
Apparently the game is about a goat that causes mayhem and destruction. As for a "goat STIMULATOR", I don't know if such a thing exists and I'm afraid to Google it. By the way, I can guarantee you that I will now be getting weird porn search queries because of the goat mention. Oh well. As it turns out, just about any random word I write in a post ends up being connected to porn searches. I've resigned myself that this is just how the internet works.
Last thing I have for you today is this:
Aren't we all hypocrites? When you're walking in a parking lot and someone nearly mows you down, don't you think, "Hey, pedestrians have the right of way!" But the minute you're driving and someone is poking along and taking too long to cross in front of you, it's like, "Stupid pedestrian. Hurry up already." By the way, I think I really do have some kind of spatial disability (undiagnosed). I'm notoriously bad at backing up. I've joked before that if we have to pass a parallel parking test to get into heaven (and don't ask me why this would be required), I'm pretty much screwed.
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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