I know you're looking at this image and wondering "What's with the escalators?". Well, just hold your horses and I'll tell you. But first this:
A friend sent this to me with the caption, "For some reason I thought of you". I was like, "Yep, it's totally true". I kind of feel sorry for people when they have conversations with me because my stream of consciousness inevitably takes us to strange and unfamiliar places. Oh, you want to tell me about your weekend? Did you know that two-million women in Africa suffer from obstetric fistulas? It's horribly sad and completely treatable. One of the doctors in my OB/GYN office always seemed like an insufferable ass until I found out that he does charity work treating those women for free. Oh hey-- did you know there are doughnuts in the breakroom today?" I know it's probably annoying but I can't help it. These random thoughts just jump to the front of the line and elbow the previous thoughts out of the way. If you're a regular reader, you may have noticed this same tendency in my posts. I'm like, "I want to share X, Y and Z with my readers today. But these topics are in no way connected! I should just pick one topic. But these are ALL funny things! Oh well. Fuck it. It's all going in there."
OK, back to Russian escalators and an incident that I randomly remembered today.
The first time I visited Russia in the early 90's, I was floored at how steep many of the escalators are in Russian metro stations. They move at a fast pace as well. You don't screw around when getting off or on. Anyway, one time when I had gotten off the metro train and was heading to the "up" escalators, I saw a man approach me who had just gotten off a "down" escalator. He approached me so confidently that I figured he knew me and my mind searched to remember who this guy was. This random Russian man took my hands into his and said, "Come home with me and I'll cook dinner for you." This was back when my Russian skills weren't so great so I had to stand there and process his words and try to be sure that I understood what this guy was saying. All the while this complete stranger was holding my hands and encouraging me to come home with him. I finally broke away and smiled and said no and went on my way. I mean, he seemed perfectly nice and non-threatening. It was just so strange. I wondered if this was something this guy did with women all the time. Did he ever get any takers? As he rode down the escalator did he have time to check out the crowd and pick out his "victim"? Was he genuinely a nice man or would I have been tortured and killed if I had said yes to his offer? I will wonder about this for the rest of my life.
OK, new topic. While out shopping with my son this weekend he said to me, "Hey Mom, look at this":
He's wearing a neck pillow on his head in case you're wondering.
It was so unexpected and ridiculous that of course I had to take his photo and send it to friends and family. One friend replied back, "He looks like Gossamer from Looney Tunes". Who is Gossamer you might ask? Why, it's the orange hairy monster in these pics:
I never knew that Gossamer was his name. I must have seen these cartoons a gazillion times as a child and I never knew that the monster had a name. What' funny is that after my friend made that comment, I remembered these hairy ottomans that I had seen during that same shopping trip with my son:
I had to take a photo because they were so hideous. For $39.99 apiece, each one of these beauties is yours. You'd want to keep them as a matched pair of couse. I kept thinking, what in the heck does this remind me of?
Now I know. If Gossamer the monster had "relations" with a piece of furniture (I'm imagining a dark-colored, horsehair fainting sofa), these would be his "love children". It all makes perfect sense. To me at least...
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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