When I was 20, I was studying Russian in college and working part-time in an optical store as a receptionist. One day a Russian guy came into the store with a friend. I was thrilled to get to practice my new language skills. The Russian guy (who is NOT my husband by the way) was a musician. We started dating but it was mostly a long-distance relationship because he was on the road a lot. Anyway, the Russian Musician met my Mom several times and liked her. But that wasn’t unusual since my Mom was pretty much universally loved by all who met her. She was in her early 40’s and still smokin’ hot. One time, completely out of the blue, the Russian Musician let me know that he thought it would be awesome to have a sexual experience with me. And my Mom. At the same time. He was like, “Her on side, you on the other.” I was completely and totally shocked. For one, at this point in our relationship we had only kissed (and maybe fooled around a little bit). It wasn’t like we had been together for years and he was looking for ways to spice things up in the bedroom. Honestly, we barely knew each other. Maybe it was a kind of “bucket list” thing for him? I’m happy to report that he did not get to experience any part of that fantasy. His revelation to me marked the beginning of the end of our relationship. About that same time I found out that the Russian Musician was a big womanizer and had girlfriends all over the U.S., so it was no big loss. The lesson I want to impart here is this (and hopefully this is common sense)—if you have a wife or girlfriend and her mother is a MILF, for the love of God, never, EVER tell your beloved that you desire her mother. I feel confident in saying that most, if not ALL women, are going to be really offended. It’s OK if you THINK these things, and I’m not judging anyone for whatever it takes to get you to the "finish line", but make those thoughts a special secret that you never tell anyone. Except maybe your therapist.
A few years ago I decided to google the name of the Russian Musician to see what happened to him. It turns out he became a member of this successful Russian folk rock bank, Melnitsa (Russian for “windmill” ). I ended up liking their music and buying a couple of CD’s. It kind of pisses me off that the Russian Musician made some money off of me, but hopefully his cut is small. Here’s a video clip that shows them performing one of their best songs. I actually like this live version better than the studio version.