- When my son had just turned one we went out to eat with my father while he was in town visiting. Our waitress was young and pretty. Our son, who was sitting in a highchair, gave the waitress a very obvious up-and-down appreciative inspection. My father thought it was hilarious; the waitress was amused too. I remember thinking, "Holy crap. Is this normal?"
- One time when my son was still tiny (like so young that he could only communicate in short two or three word sentences) he sat on my lap and patted my bosom. He gave me a huge smile and I thought he was going to say, "I love you" or something equally adorable. What he actually said was, "I like your boobs!" He looked so proud after he said it, like he'd just given me the best compliment ever.
- My son has always enjoyed looking at cars. When he was about three-years old he would have me type in the word "cars" on YouTube on my iPad so he could watch videos of cars (of which there are a gazillion). Later I found him looking at videos of scantily-clad women posing around cars which then led to him looking at scantily-clad women WITHOUT cars because he clicked on the "suggested videos" on the sidebar. After the second time I caught him doing this I had to delete the YouTube app altogether. I realized I was asking too much to expect a three-year old to censor himself. I told him, "You can't look at naked girls!" (though the girls weren't completely naked of course). He was pissed off that I removed the app. He told me, "When I get big I'm going to look at girls!". So there Mom! That'll show you!
- Recently the movie "National Lampoon's Vacation" was on TV. I remembered it being a funny movie so while my son sat on my lap we watched a bit of it together. Obviously I hadn't seen the movie in years because I didn't remember that there was a scene where Beverly D'Angelo briefly shows her breasts in the shower. My son nearly fell on the floor. He immediately said, "Rewind that! I want to see that again!". Did I mention that he's seven years old?
- Periodically, for absolutely no reason at all, my son will tell me, "I like boobs." I'm not sure why he tells me this. Maybe he wants to be sure that I know where he stand on this issue. "You are pro-boobs. Got it."
I've mentioned in previous posts that sometimes I think it's a cruel cosmic joke that I, a person with little to no experience with boys, was given a son to raise. It has been a learning experience from day one. This past weekend my husband and I turned on Netflix after we put our son to bed for the night. Imagine our surprise when these images showed up:
Our son is seven. He just turned seven in December. I thought this was something I'd have to worry about when he was a teenager. I sent this text:
Another friend had this response:
As I look back on past incidents, I really shouldn't be surprised by his foray into soft-core porn on Netflix.
If any of you have any hints or advice on how to deal with a curious little boy who loves the female body, let me know. I don't want to squash his natural curiosity and I don't want him to think sex is wrong or dirty; at the same time I don't want him watching soft-core porn. I was watching "Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood" and "Sesame Street" at seven. I swear I wan't even thinking about boy parts at that age. I used to think it was an exaggeration when people would say things like, "Parenting is the hardest job in the world". What a fool I was. Those people were telling the truth! Be warned you young readers without kids. Heed my words! "Parenting is the hardest job in the world". It's the truth ya'll.
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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