You know you've come to a classy place when the first image you see is the one above. "Why oh why", you're asking, "is hemorrhoid ointment the first image of this post?" Well kids, you'll just have to read further to find out.
Let me give you a recap of my day yesterday. This was my first text of the morning:
I have to mention that I was trying to get out the door to go to work, yet I was compelled to send these text messages first. Because it is very important that people know where I stand on the issue of ratty underwear. It's probably some kind of mental problem on my part that if I have a thought to share, I have to share it RIGHT THAT MOMENT or else it will fade away and be lost forever. Which is why my friends and family get emails and texts from me from early morning to late at night, weekdays and weekends. As you can see, the messages are of a very urgent and important nature. I feel a bit of pity for my recipients. But I haven't had my number blocked yet, so I guess they still love me. Or tolerate me.
I used my lunch hour yesterday to get a pedicure. I noticed this sign in the bathroom:
Now the image at the beginning makes sense doesn't it? I didn't want my non-American readers to be like, "What's Preparation H?" and then Google that name while at work. They would end up with a weird internet search history on their work computer because of me. I don't want anyone getting in trouble over hemorrhoid cream. You'd hate for that to be in your permanent personnel file forever: "Employee seems to have an unhealthy interest in the human anus".
After my pedicure I walked next door to check out a new thrift store that had opened. And I saw this:
You'll never again see Oscar the Grouch without thinking of these pillows.
There were more funny texts from yesterday but I think I'm going to save them for my next "Not-Safe-For-Work" post, which I may do later this week. Also, I'll be sure the words "NSFW" are prominently included in the title so you really and truly don't open the post at work. Of course my NSFW posts don't actually contain nudity; generally it's just my um, INTERPRETATION, of things that are inappropriate. Once again, I don't want anyone getting fired because of me. I'm thoughtful that way. Which helps to balance out all my other shitty characteristics.
The last thing for today is an item I saw online this past weekend. I'm always looking for a good bargain on boy's clothing and accessories.
I'm the worst kind of asshole-- I think I'm funny.
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(Note--I only joined FB in January 2016. Come be my friend, if you want, and like my page before I get fed up with the whole thing and delete my FB account. Kidding. Maybe.)